


i had all of you, most of you, some (and now none of you)

by braveatheart



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 18:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17606435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braveatheart/pseuds/braveatheart
Summary: “I don’t know what to do, Aves.”Tears threaten to well in Sara’s eyes as she finally says her girlfriend’s nickname, but she blinks the sensation away as best she can.“I’m so sorry,” she breathes, guilt clawing its way into her chest suddenly. “I should’ve gotten out of those ropes. I should’ve stopped him. I…”Her voices breaks off as a lump rises in her throat.“I should have saved you. I just… I just want to go back.”inspired by "the night we met" by lord huron, specifically the cover by cimorelli





	i had all of you, most of you, some (and now none of you)

It was never supposed to be like this.

They were supposed to be moving forward. Sara was supposed to slowly move in, slowly become a kept woman. She was supposed to make a home with Ava. She was supposed to adopt a dog, or a cat, or both. Maybe even kids one day. But before that, she was supposed to marry her.

God, Sara just wanted to marry her. To commit to a lifetime with her. It is the easiest promise Sara can ever think of making.

It was never supposed to be like this.

“Like you, I never stay dead for long,” Damien Darhk hisses, his breath hot against Sara’s face. She doesn’t let it show, but her heart is racing in her chest. She struggles against the ropes around her wrists and ankles, wincing as she feels a muscle in her shoulder pull. 

She thought he was gone after Mallus. She thought it was over, but it never is, is it?

“Go back to hell,” Zari practically growls from her spot next to Sara. She thrusts her body forward in Damien’s direction, baring her teeth as her eyes drill holes into his. 

Damien doesn’t take his eyes off of Sara, only giving a dry chuckle in response to Zari’s words. He stands slowly, still glaring, and backs toward the other side of the tiny room they’re trapped in. Opposite the Legends are the people they love most, bound and beaten the same as the Legends. Ava stares at Sara, the lump in her throat bobbing as she swallows down her fear. She doesn’t blink as Damien brushes stray hairs out of her face, tucking them behind her ear. Sara growls and lurches forward, wanting nothing more than to get Damien’s hands  _ off _ her girlfriend. Damien flicks his hand upward, and an unseen force shoves Sara against the back of her chair again. She groans quietly as the hard wood collides with her shoulder blades.

“Here’s how this is going to go,” Damien says, clapping his hands together as he steps away from Ava. He begins to pace the strip of concrete between the Legends and their loved ones, glancing back and forth between them every now and then.

“You owe me a debt, and I’m going to give you a choice. I either kill  _ all  _ of your loved ones -”

“Don’t you touch her!” Nate yells, his voice hoarse. Across from him, Amaya, pulled from 1942 by Damien, pleads for Nate to be quiet. She whispers something Sara can’t quite hear, and her eyes begin to fill with tears. Sara swallows hard, panic rising in her chest.

“Or,” Damien continues, sighing as though he was rudely interrupted, “I take one and the rest live.”

“Like hell you will,” Ava spits. There’s a fury in her eyes that Sara’s seen many times before, and for once, she wishes her love would calm down. She isn’t sure what her plan is yet, but she knows one thing; aggravating Damien isn’t the solution here. 

Damien brings his hand up as if choking someone, and Ava gasps as her face immediately turns red. Her eyes bulge as she struggles for air, her lips turning blue as oxygen leaves her. She makes horrible choking sounds as her breath catches in her throat, and Sara has had enough.

“You will not be taking anyone,” she begins, her voice rising in volume with each word. “We are going to send you straight back to hell and we will find a way to keep you there.”

For a moment, Damien doesn’t move to release Ava. Finally he lets her go, staring into Sara’s eyes as Ava takes deep, shuddering breaths. The corner of his mouth pulls up into a twisted smile, and Sara feels her face heating up with rage. 

“Make your choice.”

“Look, I’m already dead on this Earth, and Ray is strong,” Leo pipes up from his seat across from Mick. “He’ll understand. Take me.”

“No,” Mick growls, his eyes widening as he whips his head toward the alternate version of his past partner. 

“Too easy,” Damien says, shaking his head. Sara swears she sees Mick sigh in relief, and she doesn’t blame him. Leo may not be the exact same Snart, but she doesn’t want to see Mick go through that again.

An idea pops into her head, and Ava already knows what it is before Sara says it. She watches as her girlfriend’s eyes bulge again and she shakes her head frantically. She sees the beginnings of her name on Ava’s lip, and she tears her eyes away from her girlfriend before she can change her mind.

“Don’t take any of them, take me,” Sara says. She hates the way her voice wavers, but she glares up at Damien with as much determination as she can muster. She hears Ray and Zari protesting next to her, but she tunes it out. She tunnels her vision completely to Damien. Her heart races faster now, but she doesn’t let it show.

She’s been dead before. She can handle this. She can do this, as long as she doesn’t look at the eyes begging her not to across the room.

Damien walks toward her, painfully slow footfalls reverberating in Sara’s ears. That twisted smile hasn’t left his face. In fact, it appears to have grown. There’s a diabolical pleasure in his eyes as he clasps his hands in front of him, finally coming to a stop just feet in front of Sara. She doesn’t dare take his eyes off his for fear of what he’ll do if she does.

“The captain in exchange for the rest of her ship,” Damien says, tutting his tongue as though considering the offer. He glances upward for a few seconds, pondering, then glares back down at Sara. The vengeful look in his eyes makes Sara’s blood run cold. She takes a shuddering breath, allowing her eyes to fall shut for just a second.

When she opens them, Damien kneels on one knee in front of her, staring up at her with soulless, dark eyes. That evil smile remains.

“Both the Lance sisters dead at my hand?” he says, and Sara wants to bash his face in at the mention of her sister. “Intriguing offer.”

“Get on with it,” Sara hisses. Everyone around her is still protesting, yelling at the top of her lungs for Damien not to do this, to take them instead, but Damien doesn’t budge.

“Oh I will,” he replies. “Just not the way you think.”

The room quiets, and Sara furrows her brow as she tries to decipher what Damien said. He stands, raising his left hand toward her. A million possibilities run through her head, and she wonders why he’s using his left hand when his right is closer to her.

His left hand.

_ No. _

She barely has time to scream her name before Damien’s left hand swings behind him and the sickening crunch of a broken neck cuts through the silence.

* * *

 

Bright white light shines against Sara’s eyelids, rousing her from unconsciousness. As she comes back to consciousness, she feels the aches in her body creeping in. Her entire body hurts, but her right side feels like she got pummeled by someone with super-strength. She wracks her brain for memories of some kind of fight with Kara, for whatever reason that may be, and her eyes shoot open at what she finds.

Damien. Leo. Ray, Zari.

Ava.

Oh God. No.

_ Ava.  _

She lurches forward, because she has to find her, she has to bring her here and Gideon can  _ fix  _ her, she’ll be fine, but she’s met with resistance. She cries out as the pain in her side intensifies tenfold, and the restraints around her wrists and ankles keep her in place.

She hears running footfalls coming down the hallway, and she prays for one person and one person only to come through the MedBay doors. 

Instead, Zari comes barreling through the doors, followed by Ray and Charlie, then Nate and Mick. They all look absolutely terrified, and they’re still covered in blood and dirt. Ray has a horrible black eye that’s so swollen he can’t open it, and Mick has blood covering half his face from a gash above his eyebrow. Nate, Charlie, and Zari are covered in various cuts and bruises, and Sara feels tears burning in her eyes at the sight of her team.

“Where is she?” she yells, her voice scratchy and broken. “Where the hell is she?”

Sara thrashes against the restraints, panic making it hard for her to breathe as she tries to break free. She has to find her and fix this but she can’t do that if she can’t even move.

“Sara, stop it!” Zari cries out, wrapping her hands around Sara’s wrists. Sara can barely hear her, can barely feel her. She pulls and pushes as hard as she can, ignoring the searing pain in her side. She realizes that there’s something seriously wrong with her side, and she wonders what the hell happened to her. Still, it doesn’t matter. She has to get off this table.

Suddenly, two strong hands are pushing down on her shoulders. The feeling catches her off guard, and she stops struggling as she looks up to see who the hands belong to. Through the eye he can see out of, Ray is staring at her pleadingly as his hands gently squeeze Sara’s shoulders. His breaths come out in heavy pants. He doesn’t speak as he works to slow his breathing. Before she realizes it, Sara follows his lead, breathing in time with him as both their breathing slows to close to normal. Despite her instincts, Sara stops resisting, and she relaxes her body against the table. 

“If I take these off, will you stay put?” Zari asks quietly, her thumb running over the restraints. Sara can only nod. Zari makes quick work of freeing her from the restraints, then asks for Gideon to adjust the table so that Sara is sitting more upright. The pain in Sara’s side doesn’t let up, each minute movement sending fire through her. 

“Gideon is working on that,” Nate promises, nodding toward the screen where Gideon is displaying Sara’s injuries. Nate reads off something about internal trauma and shattered ribs, but all she cares about is the recovery time. He says it will be at least another two hours before Gideon can heal her ribs, and another six or seven before she can heal the internal injuries. She’s doing everything she can, he says.

“That’s eight hours before I can go find her, before I can… before I can go fix this,” Sara says, feeling panic tightening in her chest again. 

Ray’s head falls, and Sara swears it looks like he’s sinking in on himself. Nate and Zari are soon to follow, and even Mick suddenly looks so much smaller. 

“I’m sorry, Sara,” Ray says softly, his voice thick and wet. He doesn’t meet Sara’s eyes, but she can see the tips of his ears turning red as his brow furrows. Zari looks away, but it doesn’t hide the tears welling in her own eyes. Charlie takes a shuddering breath and heads for the door. Sara doesn’t blame her. If she could run, she would, too. She expects Mick to do the same, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sits against the wall on the other side of the room, empty eyes staring forward.

“You’re going to be sorry if you don’t let me fix this,” Sara promises, staring up at Ray, but even she knows there’s no malice behind her words. Her eyes start to burn again, and she blinks away the welling tears. If she breaks, she isn’t sure she’s going to be able to put herself back together.

“Sara, you…” Ray begins, finally looking up. He looks helpless, powerless, and Sara’s heart breaks even more at the sight. 

“You know we can’t. You know that.”

Sara’s eyes fall shut, and with them she feels the weight of this reality washing over her. It’s crushing, weighing down every inch of her. She feels like she can barely breathe, the weight so heavy that it’s crushing her chest.

“Gideon put me under,” she whispers, broken. “Put me under.”

“Of course, Captain,” Gideon says, her robotic voice almost quiet. Sara doesn’t open her eyes as she feels gentle hands resting on her shoulders, arms, and legs. She doesn’t want to know what a world without her looks like. She can’t.

* * *

 

The next time Sara wakes, the moment of peace where she forgets what happened doesn’t come. As soon as she comes to and confirms that her injuries are healed, she sits up and pulls the IV out of her arm. Gideon doesn’t protest, instead allowing the MedBay doors to slide open with a hydraulic hiss. 

Sara barely feels her bare feet hit the ground as she walks to the bridge. She doesn’t bother to check anyone’s rooms. She knows where they are. Her assumptions are confirmed as she reaches the main office, where Ray, Mick, Charlie, Nate, and Zari are all asleep in one chair or another. They’re still covered in dirt and blood, but their main injuries look better. Sara figures that Gideon must have helped to heal them.

Just moments after Sara arrives, Zari wakes. Her bloodshot eyes flutter open, and she winces as she sits up. The way she was sleeping didn’t look comfortable, and Sara’s sure her neck and back hurt from the odd angle. 

A moment later, Zari’s eyes meet Sara’s, and she slumps down. She looks so small and defeated as they stare at each other wordlessly. There are no words for this, so they don’t try.

Finally, Zari stands, quietly padding across the floor to Sara so as not to wake the others. Sara is grateful for that; she isn’t sure she can handle the pitiful glances from Ray and Nate, or the frustrated sighs of Mick and Charlie as they try to figure out what to do or say. 

Zari reaches down and grabs Sara’s hand, and Sara has to resist the urge to pull away as the contact makes her throat tighten. Luckily, Zari doesn’t stay there for long. She slides a metallic object into Sara’s trembling fingers, and she knows immediately what it is. She’s stolen it several times before, from both Ava and Gary. 

“Ava is um… she’s being… stored… at the Time Bureau,” Zari says softly, stumbling over her words. Sara’s stomach churns at the word “stored,” and she swallows down the bile that rises in her throat. 

“2019?” Sara asks quietly, her voice barely audible. Zari nods, and Sara catches her bottom lip beginning to quiver. 

Sara simply nods and programs the courier. She turns toward the bridge to open a portal and is about to do so when she hears another voice behind her.

“Please come back eventually,” Ray says. Sara slowly turns to see him. He’s standing at the top of the stairs, his arms hung loosely at his sides as he stares at her with pleading, bloodshot eyes. 

Sara’s heart breaks all over again at his expression. He looks terrified, and it reminds her all too much of the look on Ava’s face when Damien made it appear that he was going to kill Sara, not her. He looks like he’s about to lose someone he loves forever, and Sara realizes suddenly that she can’t do that to him. To the team.

“I will always come back to this team,” Sara manages, her voice stronger than she expects it to be. “In time.”

Some of the panic leaves Ray’s eyes, and Sara decides that it will have to be enough for the moment. He nods, and all Sara can do is nod in return.

She turns toward the bridge again, and with a steadying breath, she opens a portal to 2019.

It occurs to Sara that it must be the middle of the night, because majority of the lights are off. The only light in the main control room comes from the various computers still running. It’s eerily quiet and void of energy, and part of Sara wants to reopen the portal and go right back to the Waverider.

“She’s this way.”

Sara doesn’t even flinch at the familiar voice, but she can’t look up to meet his eyes. She looks over toward him, only enough to see his feet, and nods. Gary seems to understand as he turns around and heads down the hallway. Focusing only on his feet, Sara follows.

They end up in a part of the Bureau that Sara only vaguely recognizes, but she knows the look of the metal doors with small glass windows. She’s been in enough morgues to know what those doors look like, and the sight makes her heart begin to race.

“I’ll leave you alone,” Gary says softly, barely audible even in the droning silence of the hallway. He starts to walk away, his footsteps already receding behind Sara, but a sudden thought crosses her mind and she calls out to him.

She spins around on her heels as his footsteps stop, and she sees his face for the first time that night. He looks like he hasn’t slept at all, and his cheeks are tear-streaked and still damp. Sara feels her heart ache even deeper at the sight, but she can’t make herself move from her spot.

“Don’t let them replace her,” she whispers. “Please.”

Fresh tears well in Gary’s eyes as his brow furrows, and he looks down for a moment. Sara feels her own eyes begin to burn, but she blinks the sensation away. She can’t break. After a few moments, Gary collects himself enough to look back up. He nods and promises he won’t let that happen. Sara simply nods in response, and watches as he walks back down the hallway.

It takes five more minutes to Sara to work up the courage to open the doors to the morgue, but finally, she does.

The fluorescent lights are dimmed, casting a sterile white blanket over the room. Everything in the room is either silver or white; Sara can’t find even a splash of color anywhere. It is completely devoid of all life.

Fitting.

There’s only one table in the middle of the room, a white sheet concealing all except the hills and valleys of her body. Sara eyes slowly rake over the shape of her, letting out a heavy sigh as she reaches her feet where they stick out from beneath the sheet. Images flash through her mind instantly; Ava, still asleep late on a Sunday morning, her mussed hair falling in front of her face, and her feet sticking out of the sheets of her bed.

Their bed.

Sara takes a shuddering breath, willing the image out of her mind. It’s too much for her to think about, and she feels too close to falling apart. 

With her legs feeling like they’re going to give out from beneath her, Sara takes slow, shaky steps toward the table until she’s standing right next to it. Strands of blonde hair are peeking out from the top of the sheet, and Sara instinctively reaches out to smooth them out. Her hand collides with the top of Ava’s head, and God, it is cold. Ice cold.

Sara gasps as she jerks her hand back, her whole body beginning to tremble. Her breathing becomes rapid and shallow, and she starts to feel lightheaded as panic overtakes her. She closes her eyes, screwing them tightly shut, and counts to ten over and over in her head.

It takes a few minutes, but finally, the wave of panic recedes. It doesn’t disappear completely, but she doesn’t feel like she’s going to pass out anymore. 

She looks back down at the sheet covering Ava, and she takes a deep breath. She knows she needs to do this eventually, and she’ll stay here for hours if she doesn’t just get it over with.

With shaking fingers, Sara reaches out and grasps the sterile white sheet, then slowly pulls it back down to Ava’s shoulders. She stares straight ahead at the wall, terrified of what she will feel when she finally looks down. She wishes Ava were here to hold her hand, saying nothing but still promising that it will be okay. But she’s not. Instead, she’s lying dead on a cold metal table.

_ On three,  _ she promises herself, taking a shuddering breath. She feels like she’s about to collapse, but she doesn’t dare grab onto the table for support. That might just be worse.

One.

Two.

Sara’s heart thuds against her ribcage as she counts to three, and she finally drops her eyes down.

Ava’s skin is void of it’s normal color, replaced instead by a sickly pallor. Her eyes have been closed, undoubtedly by Gary or a member of her team. Her hair is still blonde and lively as ever, cascading onto the table and over the edges in waves. Her lips, usually a beautiful pink, are now a shade of grey-blue that makes Sara’s stomach lurch. As Sara’s eyes continue to scan, they land on Ava’s neck.

It’s set back in place, but it’s clear to see that it’s not quite right. What startles Sara the most, however, is the deep blues and purples that circle around it at the breaking point. It’s the only color left in her body.

Sara barely makes it to the industrial-looking sink on the wall behind her before she’s heaving up what little is still left in her stomach having not eaten for some twelve hours. Her throat burns from the acid, and her eyes water from the force. She groans as she feels her stomach contract again. She retches, an awful gagging sound falling from her lips, but there’s not much for her to bring up. She spits out stomach acid for a few seconds before taking slow, deep breaths as she wills her stomach to stop heaving. 

Last time she was sick, having picked something up on one of her missions in a hospital, Ava had been there to hold her hair back and put a cool cloth on her neck. She’d barely batted an eye as Sara puked her guts out, not listening as Sara told her to go away. She’d simply said “in sickness and in health,” and she stayed with her for all three days that it took for her to recover. 

Now, Sara is completely and utterly alone, her whole body trembling as she leans against the sink to keep from collapsing. With one hand, she turns on the faucet and lets the sink rinse out while she stabilizes herself. When she feels like she can move, she splashes the cold water on her face, then rinses her mouth. She takes a few cautious sips before finally turning the water off, not bothering to dry her face.

Sara stumbles back over to Ava’s body, swallowing hard as she sees the bruises on her neck again. She shakily pulls the sheet off of the arm closest to her, careful to leave the rest of her body covered. She’s seen every inch of Ava, but it feels disrespectful to expose her bare body in the Bureau, so she doesn’t. 

Sara prepares herself for the cold stiffness she knows she’ll be met with when she takes Ava’s hand in her own, but it doesn’t stop the way she jumps a little when she intertwines their fingers. She wishes that she could feel Ava squeeze her hand back, but she knows she won’t. That foolish hope refuses to disappear, though. Sara simply looks at Ava’s limp hand, waiting for what she knows won’t come.

“I don’t know what to do, Aves.”

Tears threaten to well in Sara’s eyes as she finally says her girlfriend’s nickname, but she blinks the sensation away as best she can.

“I’m so sorry,” she breathes, guilt clawing its way into her chest suddenly. “I should’ve gotten out of those ropes. I should’ve stopped him. I…”

Her voices breaks off as a lump rises in her throat.

“I should have saved you. I just… I just want to go back.”

Sara’s voice reverberates in the metallic, empty room. It echoes eerily, and before she realizes it, she’s speaking to fill the silence even though it hurts to speak at all.

“I failed you, Ava. I promised myself I would never let anything happen to you, but everyone I get close to gets burned. God, I should’ve listened to John, I should’ve…”

Sara pauses, realizing what she’s said.

“No,” she corrects. “No, I shouldn’t have.”

She takes a deep breath, feeling her composure breaking for the hundredth time that night. She isn’t going to get through this unscathed, and she knows she’s only holding off the inevitable.

“I would never take back what we had, Ava. Never. You are the best thing that’s ever come into my life and I would never take that back.”

Sara tightens her fingers around Ava’s, wishing desperately to feel their usual warmth. Her eyes fall toward their intertwined fingers, and for the first time, Sara sees the difference between her pink hands and Ava’s grey ones. The sight rips the breath right out of her lungs, and she’s suddenly gasping for air.

_ Breathe, Sara,  _ she tells herself, willing her airway to open. She manages to draw in a fuller breath, then another, until she doesn’t feel like she’s suffocating anymore.

“Take me back,” she whispers. “I just want to go back. I want to go back to the first night I met you, even though you had a gun pointed at my head and you kept telling me my team was terrible. I want to go back to fighting on the Waverider. I want to go back to you yelling at me because I suck at communicating, I’m so sorry I just left on our first date, I…”

As all the memories come rushing in all at once, the tears start to fall from Sara’s eyes before she can stop them. She tightens her grip on Ava’s hand, feeling her whole body start to shake again. 

“I don’t know how to be without you, Ava,” Sara whispers.

That’s what it takes to push Sara over the edge. She breaks, a guttural sob pushing past her lips as she drops to her knees, still clutching Ava’s pale, cold hand. Heavy, gut-wrenching sobs wrack her frame, and she can’t draw in a breath. When she finally does, the sound that follows sounds nearly inhuman. She cries out loud, harder than she has in a long, long time. When Laurel died, she still had her dad, so she knew she would make it through. When her dad died, it nearly broke her, but Ava had been there to keep her going. Ava didn’t let her give up even when she wanted to.

This is the first time since those days on the water after the Gambit that Sara has felt truly and utterly alone, because now Ava is gone, too.

Sara stays in that morgue for hours. She sobs, screams, curses a God she doesn’t believe in, punches the walls until she breaks her knuckles and drips blood all over the floor. She does this until her voice is gone and she can’t even move her fingers anymore. She knows they should hurt, but she can’t feel them.

Sara only manages to press a gentle kiss to Ava’s freezing cold lips before she begins to feel lightheaded, and she feels herself fall to the tile floor before everything goes black.

* * *

 

When Sara comes to again, she’s back on the Waverider, sitting in the same MedBay seat that she was the first time she woke up. The steady beep of her heart sounds from the monitor next to her. She glances down at her hands, which are no longer bloody and broken. On the outside, she appears completely normal again.

The MedBay doors hiss open, and Sara glances over to see Ray walk in with what looks like a stack of clothes. Zari follows close behind with a tray of food. It looks like easy to eat food; soup, crackers, and a red Gatorade, her favorite. A second glance as Zari approaches reveals toast with grape jam, and Sara offers a small smile as Zari sets it down on the stand next to her. Ray places the stack of clothes on the other MedBay chair, and Sara nods at him. He offers a small, sad smile in return, then pulls up two chairs for himself and Zari.

Zari reaches over and adjusts the seat so that Sara is more upright, then gestures to the tray of food.

“We’ve given you what we can through IV, but you were out for a few days,” she says quietly. “Please try to eat.”

Sara sighs and nods, reaching for the toast. She takes a small bite and swallows cautiously, grateful for the way it seems to calm her rocky stomach. She takes a few more bites, and Ray and Zari sit there in silence.

“Where’s everyone else?” Sara finally asks as she finishes the first piece. She takes a sip of the Gatorade, relishing in the cooling sensation on her throat.

“Mission,” Zari says simply. 

“Another magical creature loose. I think they’ve got it. Nate did stop a train on his own that one time,” Ray elaborates. Sara feels a small, genuine smile tugging at her lips. When Ray sees it, it looks like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

“Thank you for looking out for me,” Sara says, glancing between the two of them. They both nod.

“We’re a family. It’s what we do. We’re here for anything you need,” Zari says. Sara notices that it looks like she still hasn’t slept yet, at least not very much.

“I have a request then,” Sara says. “Do you remember what I wore on the night of Ava and I’s first date?”

“That red dress,” Zari says. Sara smiles, a real smile, as she remembers the look in Ava’s eyes the first time they saw each other that night. 

“Would you get it for me? And the heels, too? Even though they hurt like hell?”

Zari raises an eyebrow in confusion, and realization dawns over Ray’s face before Zari catches on. Eventually, Zari understands, too.

Half an hour later, Sara is showered, her hair and makeup done, and she’s wearing the exact outfit she was wearing that night. As she looks at herself in the mirror, all she can think of is Ava’s beautiful eyes staring at her own from across the table. 

She finally steps out of the bathroom a few moments later, and Ray and Zari are leaning against the wall across from her. They look up, and Ray smiles first. It’s an easy smile, entirely Ray, but Sara doesn’t miss the hint of sadness in his eyes.

“I don’t think I got to see you in this the first time around,” he says softly. “You look beautiful.”

Sara smiles back, small and sad, and tries not to let the lump in her throat rise anymore than it already is. Zari is not as successful, for she thumbs at her cheeks as she looks on at Sara. The sight makes Sara’s heart ache, and she knows that if she stays with Zari looking so sadly at her, she’s going to fall apart again.

Zari hands her the time courier, and Sara finds it already programmed for the time she needs.

“I checked for the best time and place to send you. You’ll be in the bathroom. Go straight out to the table, and you shouldn’t see past you on your way,” Zari affirms, her voice shaky. Sara reaches out and places her hand on Zari’s shoulder, the touch offering the words she doesn’t trust herself to say.

“We’ll be right here when you get back, Captain,” Ray says. “All of us.”

Sara takes a deep breath and nods, willing her fingers to stop shaking. She can’t let past-Ava in on what’s going on. They’ve already broken time before, and she doesn’t think she can fix it this time without Ava. Sara shakes the thought out of her mind. 

With one last glance back at Ray and Zari, she opens the portal and steps through.

She makes her way back to the table, where three twenty dollar bills are splayed out haphazardly from where past-her left hurriedly. She glances toward the window and can vaguely see the smoke from the Waverider in the distance. She allows herself a small chuckle, grateful now for her team crashing it. She was furious in the moment, but now, it’s her saving grace.

Just moments after she turns back around, Gary comes barreling around the corner, and then Ava.

Ava, in her blue dress that looked so perfect on her, so different from her Bureau pantsuit.

Ava, with her hair flowing beautifully over her shoulders.

Ava, with her pink, kissable lips, untouched by Sara’s own at this point in time.

Ava, with her beautiful, breathtaking eyes.

“Oh my God, Sara, I…” she begins as she approaches the table. Sara feels her throat start to close up just at the sound of her voice. It’s only been a few days, but she’s missed it more than she realized. It’s heaven to hear it again, and Sara files it away for safekeeping in her mind.

“It’s alright,” Sara says, clearing her throat as she stands. “Normal dates don’t really work for us in our line of work.”

She gives the biggest smile she can manage to show that she’s not upset, and Ava lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Apparently Rip broke into the Time Bureau,” Ava explains, searching through her wallet, presumably for tip money. Her hair falls in front of her face, and Sara chuckles as she blows air at it to push it away. Without thinking, Sara reaches out and pushes it behind Ava’s ear. Her skin is soft and  _ warm,  _ and Sara sighs at the sensation.

Ava stops what she’s doing and looks up at Sara, an expression of awe in her eyes. It’s the same expression that she would normally have worn after their little fight about not being normal the next day. 

“Apparently my team crashed the Waverider, so duty calls,” Sara says softly, her eyes never leaving Ava’s. Some of the heaviness in her chest seems to lift the longer she stares into her lover’s eyes. Sara smiles, her eyes burning as she realizes that the way Ava looks at her now is the same way Ava looked at her just days ago.

Ava loved her from the beginning.

Sara loves her just the same.

Gary mutters something about heading to the Time Bureau and heads for the door, but Ava and Sara aren’t so quick to leave. They apologize to the waiter as he comes around with what would have been their meal, then head out into the comfortably cool night air.

They pause for a moment on the steps, turning to face each other once again. Sara smiles as she realizes that her stomach is full of butterflies. She’s been in bed with this woman, but she still feels butterflies looking up at her now, under the moonlight after their first (and last) date. She’s never loved anyone quite like this before.

“I had a wonderful evening with you, Ava Sharpe,” Sara says, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks. Ava looks down almost bashfully, her own cheeks turning a rosy shade, then meets Sara’s eyes once again. Her pupils are dilated, nearly hiding the beautiful color of her eyes. 

“And I with you, Sara Lance. I hope it’s not the last,” she says.

Outwardly, Sara smiles, because she knows it’s not technically the last. They have a whole relationship ahead of them, hundreds of kisses, breakfast in bed, pet names and new experiences… for Ava, they’ve only just begun.

It doesn’t change the way Ava’s words feel like a punch to the chest, nor does it do anything to help the growing lump in her throat. She prays Ava won’t notice.

Sara reaches out for Ava’s hand, the same one that lay cold and limp in her own a just a while before, and she sighs at the soft warmth that she’s met with. Ava intertwines their fingers and squeezes back, stepping forward to close the distance between them.

Ava stares down at Sara, and Sara can feel her breath on her lips. Not wanting to miss her chance, Sara leans up on her tip toes as she has many times before and presses her lips to Ava’s. Ava melts into her, her hand comes up to rest on the back of Sara’s neck. It’s far softer and calmer than their original first kiss, but it’s everything Sara could’ve ever wanted. 

They break away only out of need for air, albeit reluctantly, and Ava sighs as she says something to Gary through comms. 

“I’ll see you soon, Sara,” Ava says. She smiles, that soft, beautiful smile that Sara has fallen so in love with. Sara can feel the tears beginning to prick at her eyes, but she holds them off. 

“Only a matter of time,” she whispers back, smirking to hide the quiver of her lip. If Ava notices, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she giggles and raises an eyebrow.

“That’s funny, because you’re a time traveler and I’m an agent at the… at the Time Bureau…” she says, and this time, Sara laughs genuinely at her girlfriend’s rambling. Ava sighs and looks down again, that sheepish blush covering her cheeks once more.

“Bye, Sara,” Ava says softly, a portal to her office at the Bureau already open behind her. 

She’s far enough away now that she shouldn’t be able to see the tears pooling in Sara’s eyes. Sara forces a smile and waves.

“Goodbye, Ava,” she says. Ava gives one last smile, ear to ear, and walks through the portal to the office. The portal closes, and Ava Sharpe is gone.

Sara takes a deep breath and sets her own courier, Ava’s courier, to the Waverider where it resides in the temporal zone. She can already see everyone waiting up in the office at the bridge, and they notice the portal immediately.

Sara takes one more breath of the night air before walking through the portal, sighing as she hears it close behind her.

She doesn’t make an effort to walk toward the team, as she doesn’t trust her legs to hold her up. Reality settles in fast and hard, and suddenly, she feels so small standing there. Her eyes fill with tears once more, and she can feel her face and ears turning red.

The team begins to approach her, but slowly, as if they know Sara might run. Part of her wants to, because she knows that any little thing is going to cause her to break down again. She knows her team has seen her vulnerable before, but she is still their captain, and she doesn’t want to appear weak to them. It’s irrational, she knows, but still there.

She doesn’t run, though. She lets them advance, even Mick and Charlie. As they all get closer, Sara realizes that they all look to be on the verge of tears, even Mick. She can’t remember if she’s ever seen him cry, even when Leonard died, but Sara can only imagine the pain this is bringing up for him.

Hesitantly, Ray reaches out to her, his hand landing softly on her shoulder. That small touch causes the tears in her eyes to spill over, and she takes a shuddering breath. Zari gently takes her hand, and Nate her other. 

“It’s okay, Sara,” Zari whispers. “We’re here, and we aren’t going anywhere.”

Sara lets out a small sob as Zari’s words hit her, and she looks down as her brow furrows. She feels another breakdown approaching, whether she wants it to or not.

“I know you feel alone, but you’re not,” Ray continues.

“Not with us,” Nate says. “You’re not alone, Sara.”

Two more hands gently settle on Sara’s back, and Sara turns to see Mick and Charlie each with a hand on her. To Sara’s surprise, a lone tear rolls down Mick’s face, his jaw set. She sees the pain in his eyes for Leonard that he never let himself express, and that’s all she can handle.

Sara collapses into Ray’s chest, sobbing loudly as he immediately wraps her in his arms. More warm bodies surround her, and she doesn’t have to open her eyes to know that she’s surrounded by her team. Zari presses her lips gently into her temple, and Nate is whispering “I’m so sorry” over and over in her ear.

She isn’t sure how long they stay there that way, but she feels the tiniest shred of hope that maybe she might make it through this. Just maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling really sad after listening to the cover of this song by Cimorelli, and this is what happened. I hope you enjoy it! Comments are always appreciated.


End file.
